when the rains come

after two years of little rain, it begins. it rains and rains and rains. the flowers are beautiful, the creeks are full, and the trees spread their wings over us all. is it the prayers of everyone who knows my mother? radiation is over and she can eat. she regains weight, and she looks better than she has in at least the past month, possibly better than she has in the past year when she was dealing with back pain. we relax, seeing her blossom, but we do not stop the vigilant watch. cancer tricks you into thinking it has given up its quest to take, only to return with renewed ambition. the prayers continue, and we live under a sacred tree that is spreading over us, as the rains continue to bless.

i feel i've been prepared for this, though the experience pales in comparison. a few years ago my dog was diagnosed with melanoma. it grew large in her mouth before i noticed, it was removed, it was malignant. she did not look sick for another two years. then life dealt me a double blow -- a love left for reasons left unsaid and her cancer returned. i found it early, had the tumor removed again. within a month, it was back, it was agressive, it had invaded the bones in her jaw. the last month of her life i spent with her, at home. you get used to new badness that comes after old badness subsides. she died 3 months later. on the day she died, my other dog -- all of two years -- licked the blood off of her paws, knowing it was the end. the tearful longing still comes at inconvenient times. like now.

this will not happen to my mother, i tell myself this, i tell others this, i believe this. but i know that it could. i am thankful for the sacred tree that covers us with blessed love.